How Socks the Cat Trained Me: Part Two

Some of you may recall my very first "Socks the Cat" blog entry from July 21st, which I reposted here on August 4th entitled How Socks the Cat Trained Me. At that time, I assumed that my training was over, and that I was now a proud alumni of the class of 2011 of the How To Train Humans To Properly Care For Their Cats course. After all, consider everything that Socks has trained me to do over the past few months:

1. I clean out her litter box once or twice a day.

2. I sweep the litter from the kitchen floor several times a day.

3. I make sure that her dry cat food bowl is always full.

4. I give her a high-protein, fresh chicken-tuna mix several times a day.

5. I wash out her water bowl daily -- who wants to drink from a slime-filled bowl? -- and ensure that it is always full.

6. I have made her piles of homemade toys.

7. I built a special sun shelf for her on the kitchen window sill, which she loves.

8. I smother her with love and affection.

9. I let her jump up on my bed whenever she feels like it, and she pretty much has the liberty to go anywhere in the house.

10. I repeatedly cleaned up her vomit -- from morning sickness -- during her nine-week pregnancy.

In light of all of this, I assumed that I had gained Socks's respect, passed the course, and received my "Trained Human Slave" diploma.

Boy, was I mistaken! Apparently, I am still in school, and the bell hasn't rung yet. It seems that Socks still has a few things to teach me. Consider the following.

You are all familiar with the phrase "Breakfast in bed". Who doesn't enjoy breakfast in bed, served to them by their loved one? Well, I personally don't recall having ever experienced that during my long life, but that's besides the point. In my latest lesson from Socks, my furry feline friend, I have learned that insofar as cat-human relations are concerned, the concept of "Breakfast in bed" has an entirely different meaning. For those of you who have not yet been enlightened to this important feline concept, what it means is the following. Please pay close attention, as this is taken directly from my pirated copy of "How to Properly Train Your Human Slave: Second Edition":

"If your human slave is in bed sleeping, you have every right to jump up onto the bed and meow and plea until they wake up, get their lazy carcass out of bed, and serve you breakfast, no matter how early it may be. If you get a hankering for a midnight snack, or an early breakfast at 3:00 AM or 6:00 AM, that is your perfect right. Just hound your human slave until they surrender and acquiesce to your demand. They are all soft-hearted and weak, and will eventually give in to your meows and soft purrs, despite their seemingly hard exterior. When it comes to the battle of the wills, we cats rule!"

As I began to realize Socks' latest tactic -- ahem, I mean lesson plan -- I decided to test her. So, whenever she would jump up onto the bed when I wanted to sleep, I would keep my eyes closed and pretend to be asleep. I just wanted to see how long she would persist at waking me up. After meowing for a bit and sniffing my face in an effort to wake me up, she would then jump back down to the floor next to my bed and continue with her meows. I mean, this is one persistent cat! So, still groggy and half-asleep, I would trudge to the kitchen and prepare her food.

Oh . . . I almost forgot to mention: Socks doesn't wake me up because she wants me to refill her dry cat food bowl. As I mentioned earlier, being as she was pregnant, and is now nursing, I always keep her bowl full. No; when Socks pulls the "Breakfast in bed" routine on me -- which has become a daily affair -- it is specifically because she wants more of her chicken-tuna mix.

Sorry, I have to go. Duty calls!

Yes, your highness! Coming!